“顺句操作”的翻译从总体上讲并不会给汉语行文带来多少麻烦,但两种语言在句法结构或组词上有时难免不兼容,译文可能会产生某些夹缠现象。为减少译文的夹缠现象,在断句之后还是允许译者根据具体情况对原文进行某种程度的词序微调。请看下面一例:
Modern bus shelters began to appear on the pavements, complementing the 2lst century
appearance of the surrounding glass and chrome skyscrapers.
断句:
Modern bus shelters began to appear on the pavements,//complementing the 2lst century
appearance of the surrounding glass and chrome skyscrapers.
按理说,这样断句在逻辑上完全可以接受,但依据这个断句形式译出的句子读起来却会比较别扭,不太符合汉语行文的习惯:
富有现代化气息的公交车候车亭开始在街头出现,这给周围体现风貌的玻璃和铬合金包装的一栋栋摩天大楼的景观平添了几分色彩。
译文划线部分欧化味道较重,要克服这个毛病,可以将这个部分再拆成丽个部分,或者将原句的这个部分再断成两个+鄙分。当然,这样做应以不损坏原文意思为前提。为达到此口的,原句中的skyscrapers的位置可适当前移,然后重新断句:
complementing the 2lst century appearance of the surrounding skyscrapers // (of)
glass and chrome.
据此译出的文字就显得妥帖得多了:
富有现代化气息的公交车候车亭开始在街头出现,与周围体现21世纪风貌的摩天大楼群相映成趣,这些大楼外层包装都是玻璃和铬合金。
“顺势断句”翻译操作的这种词序微调现象有时还可能不止牵涉到一个词,在某一断句的范围内,甚至可能会出现显著的顺序调整,以使译文在逻辑上更贴近汉语的行文习惯。请看下面一句英语:
Even with the effort to limit the demands upon his time, there were fears that Mandela
would be overtaxed. His crowded American itinerary would test the stamina of a presidential
campaigner, much less a frail-looking 71-year old recovering from surgery to remove a
benign cyst from his bladder.
断句:
Even with the effort to limit the demands upon his time, // there were fears that Mandela
would be overtaxed.// His crowded American itinerary // would test the stamina of a
presidential campaigner, // much less a frail-looking 71-year old // recovering from
surgery to remove a benign cyst from his bladder.
尽管对曼德拉的活动时间安排已尽量作了限制,人们仍然担心他劳累过受。他的美国行程排得满满的,即便是一位美国总统的竞选者,这一大圈跑下来体力也够受的,更何况是曼德拉呢?他已71岁高龄,做了膀胱良性囊肿切除手术后,尚未痊愈,看上去很虚弱。
比较断句后的英语句子和译文,可以看到,原句的绝大部分顺势译下来没有什么问题,只是从much less a…开始,某些词序作了调整,frail-looking实际被放到了句未,recovering也相应移动了位置。
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