造成中国式英语的一个重要原因是不注意汉英词序的差异,汉语中最重要的往往在前头,分量轻的殿后,而英语则反之,单词连用时是分量轻的在前,最重的一般在后头。例如:
1、他们是些无地及少地的农民。
[误译]They are peasants with no or little land.
[正译]They are peasants with little or no land.
[评析]汉语从最严重的“无地”开始,然后到“少地”,而英语则相反,单词的意义在弱变强,即little or no land。
2、某些企业要关、停、并、转,或者减少生产任务。
[误]Some enterprises should either close down,suspend operation,be amalgamated with others,switch to other products,
or cut production.
[正]Some enterprises should either cut production,switch to other products,be amalgamated with others,or simply close down.
[评析]汉语原文从最严重的情况开始罗列到最轻的情形:“关、停、并、转,或者减少”,翻译成英语后要颠倒顺序,变为“减少、转、并、停或者关”,以符合英语的表达方式。
3、有五种爵位:公侯伯子男。
[误译]There are five ranks of nobility:duke,marquis,earl,viscount and baron.
[正译]There are five ranks of nobility:baron,viscount,earl,marquis and duke.
[评析]汉语的“公侯伯子男”,爵位由高到低,是汉语的思维方式;而英语的思维方式是由低到高,重点一般在后头,因此应按“男子伯候公”的顺序来英译。
4、他从马来西亚柔佛州一个小镇来到这里。
[误译]He came from a small town in Malaysia Johore.
[正译]He came from a small town in Johore Malaysia.
[评析]英文地点的排列是从也是小单位到大单位,把最重要的信息放在最后。
5、中国饮茶的风尚,到了第七世纪的唐代,已经相当盛行了。
[误译]In the seventh century of the Tang Dynasty, the Chinese prevailing custom of drinking tea was in vogue.
[正译]By the Tang Dynasty in the seventh century,tea-drinking had become very popular in China.
[评析]原译文有词序错误,英语时间的排列是从也是小单位到大单位,把最重要的信息放在后面,。因此the seventh century of the Tang Dynasty应改为the Tang Dynasty in the seventh century。另外,原译文用词累赘,prevailing和in vogue意思重复。汉语说某种“风尚......盛行”不太别扭,但说prevailing custom was in vogue就相当于说prevailing custom was prevalent,其语义重复极为明显。可以把“风尚”换说为“习惯”(custom),或者不说饮茶的习惯(the custom of drinking tea),而直接说“饮茶”(tea-drinking)。原译文还有时态错误,原文表示到了过去某一段时间已经形成了某种局面,所以译文宜用过去完成时。
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